'How Do I Know if My Parents are Safe?'

Question: I wanted to research different senior communities in our area, and after I went to a referral website, I now have a lot of communities calling me. Why did this happen?

Senior community referral companies gather information such as pricing, senior living details and amenities, on their website. They refer people who investigate information on their website to senior living communities.

Once you give the referral company your information, they send your contact information to senior communities as a referral. Senior communities will then call you to explain their services, amenities, pricing and invite you to tour their businesses.

This is a free service for you because you pay nothing for the information that their site provides. Many families find this easier than researching each senior community on their own. It is important to know that the referral site will only give you information about communities they are contracted with.

If you should choose to move into one of the senior communities that they are contracted with, the senior community you move into will be responsible for paying the referral company for referring you.

I know it might seem overwhelming to get so many communities calling you, but by telling them to email their price list and brochure, it will help you get your research done ahead of time for when you decide to take that next step. Being aware of what is out there in the community is not a bad thing. I always say to "get your ducks in a row" so that there are no surprises later!

Make sure to tell the referral company if you need to move quickly or are just gathering information.

If there is a crisis and you need to move quickly, knowing ahead of time which community can accommodate your price point and your care needs is critical. If you need any help with finding the perfect community, I will be more than happy to email you a list of all the senior communities and their contact information. This is a free service for everyone, and I do not accept referral fees.

Question: How do I know if my parents are still safe in their home?

This is a great question. Families have a very difficult time determining the right time to move their parents into a senior community. On the one hand, they want to respect the wishes of their parents but on the other hand, they have sleepless nights wondering if their parents are safe in their home.

Here are some ways for families to determine if it is time for their parents to have more supervision.

Parents missing appointments: It is normal for seniors to miss an appointment here or there, but when missing important appointments becomes a pattern, that means that their mind is not tracking correctly. This is one of the first cues that you should be concerned with.

Not paying bills on time or at all: This is very similar to missing appointments. Unfortunately, this error can result in fines and penalties, and it could risk their home being foreclosed on or a loss of long-term care insurance and medical coverage.

Bad hygiene: If your parents have always had good hygiene and you are noticing they are not showering, brushing their hair, shaving or trimming their nails, this could be a sign that they have fallen into a depressive state or are starting to have dementia.

If you notice that they are wearing the same clothes that are not being washed, this could be a significant sign that you need to consider having some oversight for them.

Getting easily disoriented: Are they failing to recognize familiar places or getting lost while driving in areas that they have traveled many times before? This might be the beginning of dementia. You should consider speaking with their doctor and convincing them to hang up the car keys. The chance of getting in an accident is very high. People with dementia have a delayed response and seconds of delay could be a matter of life and death.

Difficulty formulating or remembering words: Forgetting a word here and there is normal but when you see that it is difficult for them to complete a full sentence, they are not able to be safe in the home.

Compulsive buying or check writing to charities: This shows the inability to exercise appropriate judgement. Many seniors, when left unchecked, are vulnerable to scam artists who will prey on their disabilities. Many seniors have lost everything they have worked hard for their entire life because they were misled by very convincing strangers.

Paranoia or aggressive behavior: A senior who attacks others because they are believed to pose a threat shows the inability to control feelings of distress. This often happens when the senior is in public where the environment is dramatically different from their quiet and calm home.

Making inaccurate assertions: One of the greatest signs of dementia is “psychotic ideation” in which clearly untrue statements are made, such as “Everyone is after me!” or “A man is spying on me through the T.V.”

Spoiled and outdated food: Mental instability is present when they are not able to recognize that food is spoiled, they leave food out and continue to snack on it or everything in the refrigerator is past its "passed due date." Spoiled food can be lethal to a senior.

Poor nutrition: Keep an eye out to see if they are losing or gaining weight and are refusing to cook for themselves. Proper nutrition is key for brain and body function. Eating cookies, ice cream and chips throughout the day is not beneficial for their body to work correctly or their mind to function properly.

Many seniors are obese, but blood tests will show that they are lacking the essential vitamins for good health. Whether they are losing or gaining weight, take note of their diet.

Scorched pans or microwaves: This shows the inability to cook properly and could be a severe fire hazard. If cooking is a hazard, unplug the stove and microwave and have meals delivered to them to minimize the danger.

As you can see there are many ways to determine if your parents are still safe to live in their home without supervision. It is up to you to get them the assistance that they need so that they can live safely in their environment.

Kimberly Jensen has been working with Quail Park as a Senior Resource Advocate for over ten years and has helped hundreds of families find solutions to their senior problems.

If you have a question, you can send it to her at KimberlyJ@QPCypress.com or call (559) 737-7443.